Ten yes-or-no questions, two minutes, no account. Not a diagnosis and not a score you can fail. Just a straight answer about whether what you two are living with is the kind of thing a couples therapist helps with, and how soon.
Reviewed by Albert Wong, PhD·Clinical psychologist·Last reviewed September 2026·About this site
1.We have one argument that comes back every few weeks wearing different clothes.
2.After a fight, it takes days, not hours, before things feel normal again.
3.One of us has mostly stopped bringing things up. It is easier not to.
4.Some weeks we are more like roommates than partners.
5.Something happened that one of us has not gotten over, and we do not really talk about it.
6.One of us talks to a friend or family member about the relationship more than we talk to each other.
7.There is a big decision coming (a move, a child, marriage, separating) and we cannot get through the conversation.
8.One of us has wondered, more than once, whether to stay.
9.We have tried to fix this on our own, more than once, and it comes back.
10.One of us is afraid of the other, or plans words carefully to avoid an explosion.
How to read it
The questions come from what couples therapists actually listen for in a first call: not how bad the fights are, but whether the repairs still happen, whether either of you has started to go quiet for good, and whether the problem has been sitting there long enough to grow roots. Couples who come in early tend to need less time. Couples who come in after years of not-quite-talking need more. Both get better. The average couple waits a long time before making the call, and every therapist wishes they hadn't.
One partner can take this alone. If you do, and the answer surprises you, read My partner won't go to therapy before you bring it up.
Keep reading
48 guides on couples work, free and without an account. There is a directory of therapists here too — it is new, and growing.
General information, not clinical advice; the couples described are composites, not real clients. Listings on this site are maintained by independent practices. If you are in immediate danger, call 911; the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text any time.