Six questions about the last argument you had. No sign-up, nothing saved, nothing sent anywhere. At the end you get the shape of the loop the two of you run, in plain words, and one thing to try the next time it starts.
Reviewed by Albert Wong, PhD·Clinical psychologist·Last reviewed September 2026·About this site
What this is and isn't
Couples therapists who use Emotionally Focused Therapy talk about a negative cycle: one partner reaches with an edge, the other pulls back, the reach gets sharper, the retreat gets deeper. This tool sorts your answers into the common shapes of that loop. It’s a mirror, not a diagnosis, and it knows nothing about you beyond six clicks. If it describes you a little too well, that isn’t because the tool is clever. It’s because the loop is that common. Read more in The same fight, again.
It’s also only about fights between equals. If you’re afraid of your partner, or you plan your words to avoid an explosion, this isn’t a pattern and it isn’t your fault. Talk to a therapist on your own, or call 988.
Want someone to slow the loop down with you?
This is the first thing a couples therapist does in real life. The ones listed here work by video and show real openings.
General information, not clinical advice; the couples described are composites, not real clients. Listings on this site are maintained by independent practices. If you are in immediate danger, call 911; the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available by call or text any time.